Speaking of Sleep and Delirium...

…here’s a fun story.

Brian and I had been dating for about six months—not really a long time in the scheme of things. This particular night, I fell asleep at his house (which happened to be just across the street from my parents’ house where I was spending Christmas break). Anyway, I woke up in a panic about midnight thinking “where am I Brian must go home late parents leave.” Brian was, of course, woken up by my panic. Upon sitting up, however, my head started spinning, my stomach was torn up by nausea, and my vision went black almost immediately. It felt like I had been hit by a giant wave in the middle of the ocean and was now underwater and seasick to boot. I immediately laid back down. “Must go home.” I tried to sit up again, but was foiled by the same sensations. At this point, I noticed Brian looking at me strangely. “I feel sick,” I said. “Every time I sit up, I feel like I’m going to barf.”

To this he replied, “What is wrong with you?”

“I told you already! I’m sick!”

“Okay, KT. Calm down. Stop freaking out.”

“I’m not freaking out! I’m sick! Help me get to the bathroom. I’m going to puke.”

Brian just looked at me like an idiot. He appeared utterly confused and slightly terrified. I sat up again. The nausea and blackness was a little better this time, so I said, “Fine, I’ll just do it myself. Whatever!” I got up and staggered out of Brian’s room towards his bathroom.

“Hey, just come back here!” I heard him say. “What is wrong with you? Why are you acting this way?”

I reached his toilet and collapsed onto my knees in front of it. I tried to puke, but my nausea was gradually subsiding. When I felt it was safe to leave the vicinity of the toilet, I walked out only to be greeted by a spinning kitchen when I left the bathroom. I’m no stranger to fainting, and I knew that passing out was in my immediate future, so I laid down on the ground and gradually lost consciousness. I couldn’t have been out for more than ten seconds because I awoke to Brian standing over me saying, “Oh my goodness. Stop being such a drama queen and get up off the floor. Seriously.”

By this point, I was rather furious at him for his lack of proper boyfriend-ly care, so I practically yelled at him, “I passed out on your kitchen floor! I’m not being a drama queen!” Suddenly, understanding dawned on his face.

I think this is the point in the story when we should rewind and see the ordeal from Brian’s perspective.

Brian is spending the evening with his girlfriend of six months. Though she has been an emotional wreck for the past month (alas! if only he knew what awaited!), their time so far has been relaxed and low-key. They both fall asleep. Sometime around midnight, he wakes to see his girlfriend laying there with her eyes wide open, trembling and breathing heavily. She is wont to panic upon waking, so he isn’t particularly worried. She surprises him though, when she sits up suddenly only to immediately lie down again. She sits up again and says, “Kngsd skfne dbgnfe.” She lies back down and sits up again. “Ansde dnewp mgnpwe.”

To this he replies, “What is wrong with you?”

“Nepws ndpedb! Sndmpw sdnp!”

“Okay, KT. Calm down. Stop freaking out.”

“NDJWO PETKWE! FNPWIED! Ndlsewe mpes djpwe. Jnelsp sdquwn dnfpe.”

Brian begins to get frightened. He runs through the possibilities in his head. Demon possession? Brain tumor? “Maybe she just finally snapped…” he thinks.

“THIENRW SNEF! WHDFEOWR!” She stands up and staggers out of the room, running into the wall before actually making it through the door.

“Hey, just come back here!” he yells after her. “What is wrong with you? Why are you acting this way?” He sighs. He hears her stumble into the bathroom and is a little worried about what might be happening in there. He waits a while longer before leaving his room. When he enters his kitchen, he sees her lying on the ground moaning. “Oh my goodness,” he says. “Stop being such a drama queen and get up off the floor. Seriously.”

She looks up at him, and he can see the anger etched on her face. “Uh passssed ut on yer kich floe! Uh’m not been a dramer queen!”

This was the moment of understanding. He helped me up, and we slowly parsed together the story. I realized that nothing I had been saying had been comprehensible. He realized that I really wasn’t insane or demon possessed. This was his first time experiencing my sleep drivel and my first time realizing that I couldn’t actually speak upon waking up. By now, I was actually feeling much better. Brian walked me home to make sure I didn’t pass out on the way.

The end.